Variations on Saturday

1

sun shines on the grey nostalgia, tripping

over others who lay out by water lapping

against bruised legs left out to dry, crying

out for something to do and calling it sunning

only for something that keeps them running

2

waiting to cross

                           the road together as a burnished

something or other

you don’t notice him

or return the smile

                              he offers by way of hello

3

outdoor music blunging to the bunch,

notes of reflection against the water hunch

and memories that flow against as such

causing hunger, something more than lunch

4

the dark

like stone

sits still in the dark

and waits

              for the flash

of light

that shines the moon’s

face in expensive

laughter and light

5

matinee ladies

                         cannot hear

and wear hats

that are far too big

6

The woman giving me a slice

stands there and asks if I want some

rolls with that

                        “we’ll throw them

away otherwise”

                             which means

they must be delicious.

Her son throws them in a sack

and hands them over to me.

I feel the sack, hard and heavy,

filled with little garlic stones that

haven’t seen love

in a long time.

7

I didn’t want      

                       to do it.

I didn’t want to do it.

Total Eclipse of the Heart

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______

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I had left right after the part of the party where the karaoke machine came out. I wasn’t feeling for a shameful display that night and so I snuck out while others were arguing about cords and the right places to put them. I first went to the fridge and stuck two beers into my purse, making sure they were the kind I could open on my own. I walked out the front door to the sound of someone ripping the shit out of “Total Eclipse of the Heart” which usually wasn’t attempted until much later in the proceedings.

______

I knew I had made the right decision.

______

Once outside and free on the street I went over to the park that was a few blocks away. I sat down on a bench and cracked open one of the beers in my purse. As I sat there, sipping in the dark and quiet, I noticed down on the lower part of the park, which was on a hill, that there was something writhing there. I sat up, squaring my eyes to focus.

_____

What it looked like to me was a couple fucking in the grass.

______

I trained my ears in that general direction and caught moments of moan and relish. They looked bone white in the moonlight, almost as if they were two skeletons maneuvering their bones into a twine of togetherness.

______

I took another sip of my beer. It tasted cheap, like I then felt.

______

I felt my eyes water, dripping salty that cut the drabness of my tongue flattened by bad hops and bland. My tongue lapped up the mess I was in with a seriousness that I couldn’t be entirely sincere about now, but was then.

______

A young guy in a hoodie and headphones came over and sat down next to me. He nodded at me and then sat there staring out at the grass before us, moving his head in a musical fashion.

_______

I took my hand and reached into my pants, toying with myself in a way that was both pleasant and incredibly depressing. I tried to make my finger dance to a similar beat that the boy next to me was listening to, totally ignorant of what it was that I was then doing.

_______

I wanted him to see me, but knew that I wouldn’t be able to come if he did see me doing what I did.

______

The sounds from the grass below became louder, less timid, and I came at what I guessed was the climax of the song the boy next to me was listening to.

______

It felt harsh and cruel and almost like I was raping myself.

______

When I was done, I offered the boy next to me my last beer, by way of a thank you.

______

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Another Night (Four Haiku)

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____

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Thursday – push that small

thing like words demanded &

gone to let it go.

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____

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Friday – like a high

hooker having a seizure

all over your face.

____

____

____

Saturday – sleep in

and spill yourself all over

the straight boy, sleeping.

____

____

____

Sunday – frat frenzy,

and tube socks that don’t fit well

but well enough fine.

____

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(Sweep Me Off My) F E E T

H A N D S

Friday Night: Girls Just Wanna (have fun)

Came home in the middle of the night

my father says what you gonna do with your life

Well, daddy dear you're still number one

Oh, girls they wanna have fun

I spend time trimmed. Like a life of love left lonely. This is what we do or don’t do best. I want noisy riches and admit to myself the lack thereof.

This is my own palatial place, perhaps.

I thought the horror moan alright. Suffering themselves through the casual horror. The real push of ambivalence a filial punt. I should fake an imitated velvet instead.

oh, girls they..

Want to call the card a spade.

The phone rings in the middle of the night

My mothers says when you gonna live your life right?

Well, mother dear, we're not the fortunate ones.

Oh, girls they wanna have fun.

Maybe

yes

this

dress

shall

repair

the

better

parts

long

since

lost.

Oh, girls they..

Thats all they really want

Those girls they wanna have fun.

Fate passed through, wide open and locked. Intimate whimpering like a song made sad. Silence stifles the darkening fruits, and we’re all fruits to begin with.

Mis-shapen girl, when will you sudden?

If I ever dream my body, it’s a better body to begin with. A fiction that makes it’s own fact functional.

A lead unto droll debt and clicks and crisis.

Some boys take a beautiful girl.

Only hide her away from the rest of the world

Well, not me I wanna be the one in the sun.

Girls they wanna have fun.

Dream #203:

I spend two hours raping a girl I have no desire to ever see again, or be in, and I realize that she is holding a flat Chihuahua. I look at her with the sense of someone who is better off being in bed alone. This signifies complicity, and I tell her so. She smiles and says to stop.

So I stop.

This brings us to the bridge, the one that she jumps off of.

I smell summer monstrous and hear to her beats, counting the seconds to reach the water below.

I whisper, The descent is the best part, so enjoy it so.

In chained gold I now know deep enjoying as false, as a fossil thing.

And I wake up and pour a bowl of fiber flakes.

Oh, girls they

thats all they really want

those girls they wanna have fun.

I compose a wreath of mistakes,

and brighten the smiles

of my soldiering defeats.