AN old woman was sweeping her House, & she found a little crooked Finger. 'What,' said she, 'shall I do with this little Finger—[?] Ah, I will go to the Market, purchase some *Ass & Finger that little *Ass—[!] Yes, yes this is exactly what I will do'
As she was coming home, she came to a Door: but the *Ass wouldn't fit through the Door.
She went a little further, & she met Grover. So she said to him: 'Grover! Grover! Bite *Ass; *Ass won't fit through the Door; & I shan't Finger this *Ass tonight.' Grover went up to the *Ass, sniffed & shook his Head “Fuuuuuuck NO”.
She went a little further, & she met a Big Fucking Dick. So she said: 'Big Fucking Dick! Big Fucking Dick! Beat Grover! Grover won't bite *Ass; *Ass won't fit through the Door; & I shan't get to Finger this *Ass tonight.' But the Big Fucking Dick, looked at the Size of the *Ass, turned to the Old Woman, tipped his Head & said “My Dear, this I will not do”.
She went a little further, & she met a Fire. So she said: 'Fire! Fire! Burn this Big Fucking Dick; This Big Fucking Dick won't beat Grover; Grover won't bite *Ass; *Ass won't fit through the Door; & I shan't get to Finger this *Ass tonight.' But the fire wouldn't.
She went a little further, & she met some fucking Wet Pussy. So she said: 'Wet Pussy! Wet Pussy! Quench fire; fire won't burn this Big Fucking Dick; This Big Fucking Dick won't beat Grover; Grover won't bite *Ass; *Ass won't get fit through the fucking Door; & I shan't get to Finger this *Ass tonight.' But the Wet Pussy said “Tis not the Season to develop a Rash”.
She went a little further, & she met a Pigeon. So she said: 'Pigeon! Pigeon! Slurp Wet Pussy; Wet Pussy won't quench fire; fire won't burn this Big Fucking Dick; This Big Fucking Dick won't beat Grover; Grover won't bite *Ass; *Ass won't fit through the Door; & I shan't get to Finger this *Ass tonight.' But the Pigeon took one look at the Wet Pussy & said “Go to Fucking Hell you crazy Ho”.
She went a little further & she met a Butcher. So she said: 'Butcher! Butcher, you Motherfucker! Kill the Pigeon; Pigeon won't slurp Wet Pussy; Wet Pussy won't quench fire; fire won't burn this Big Fucking Dick; This Big Fucking Dig won't beat Grover; Grover won't bite *Ass; *Ass won't fit through the Door; & I shan't get to Finger this *Ass tonight.' But the Butcher said “You Crazy-Ass Bag, I’m calling the Cops”.
She went a little further, this time running & she met a Telephone Wire. So she said: 'Telephone Wire! Telephone Wire! Tighten & Asphyxiate Butcher; Butcher won't kill Pigeon; Pigeon won't slurp Wet Pussy; Wet Pussy won't quench fire; fire won't burn This Big Fucking Dick; This Big Fucking Dick won't beat Grover; Grover won't bite *Ass; *Ass won' t fit through the Door; & I shan't get to Finger this *Ass tonight.' But the Telephone Wire wouldn’t.
She went a little further, & she met a Rat. So she said: 'Rat! You Fucking Rat! Cut the Telephone Wire; The Telephone Wire won't Asphyxiate butcher, butcher won't kill Pigeon; Pigeon won't drink Wet Pussy; Wet Pussy won't quench fire; fire won't burn This Big Fucking Dick; This Big Fucking Dick won't beat Grover; Grover won't bite *Ass; *Ass won't fit through the Door; & I shan't get to Finger this *Ass tonight.' But the rat wouldn't.
She went a little further, & she met a Crazy Cat. So she said: 'Crazy Cat! Crazy Cat! kill the Rat; The Rat won' t cut the Telephone Wire; Telephone Wire won't Asphyxiate butcher; butcher won't kill Pigeon; Pigeon won't drink Wet Pussy; Wet Pussy won't quench fire; fire won't burn This Big Fucking Dick; This Big Fucking Dick won't beat Grover; Grover won't bite *Ass; *Ass won't fit through the Door; and I shan't get to Finger this *Ass tonight.' But the Crazy Cat said to her, 'If you will go to yonder Figure, & fetch me a Light Bulb of Crystal Meth, I will kill this fucking Rat.' So away went the old woman to the Figure.
But the Figure said to her: 'If you will go to yonder Market, & fetch me a handful of
As soon as the Figure had mixed the
As soon as the Crazy Cat had smoked the Crystal Meth, the Crazy Cat began to kill the Rat; the Rat began to gnaw the Telephone Wire; the Telephone Wire snapped & began to tighten around the Neck & Asphyxiate the Butcher; the Butcher dropped his Cleaver, killing the Pigeon; the Pigeon began to slurp the Wet Pussy; the Wet Pussy began to quench the fire; the fire began to burn the Big Fucking Dick; the Big Fucking Dick began to beat Grover; Grover began to bite the *Ass; the little *Ass in a fright squeezed through The Door; & so the old woman got to Finger that fucking *Ass after all.
