Dear C,
I’m sorry for that night when we were young and I ended up in a kissing circle when you weren’t. I’m sorry for being on that bed. I wanted to be with the other guys on the bed, not with the girls you were worried about.
I’m sorry I used the phrase “just to see if it’ll fit” to take your virginity. That was dumb.
I was a drunk, horny 15 year old. And didn’t know what else to say.
I’m not sorry I still love you and that you are happy and living well with others who are happy and living well, in a city I can barely remember.
Dear S,
I’m sorry for going to your party, the night that was supposed to be our special night, the one that would keep us together, and making out with your friend on the back porch. I’m sorry I was ushered out of the living room by your girls when I walked in on you and that dude on the couch. I’m sorry that, a year or two later, when we sort-of got back together, we discovered that we were both also dating the same other guy.
I’m sorry there were drunken screams outside at night, and I shut the window and turned off the light.
And I'm sorry for that other night when I broke your window trying to get your attention myself.
Dear J,
I’m sorry that we were too different in the right ways to make it work. I’m sorry we were too alike in the wrong ways to make it seem like it would.
I am sorry I never trusted you, but you never let me trust you anyway.
[see above]
Years later, I still love you and think fondly of you and how that, basically, that is all that love is: a shared history, as hazy and brief as that might be.
And my memories always make things feel more real than they ever were.
I’m sorry that we couldn’t do it over again, even if I know it wouldn’t be any different, we’re too different, and too stubborn to change.
Dear T,
I’m sorry I never paid you back for the $200 you gave me to gamble with on that Vegas vacation I paid for.
I’m sorry I lost it all in ten minutes to begin with.
Dear ?,
I’m sorry I don’t remember your name.
But I remember your face nonetheless.
