You figure, this is just the Way everyone is. You spend your Years, against the slim, against the lull of Sundays, against the navigations of a Taut Line. You’re Happy, hunkering on, in The Head to mess it all the further the fuck down “Look there was once a Room here” & now, The Land[e]scape. A dizzying Descent of Anxieties that would be almost too much to bare, if were it not for, this barrelingdown that combusts in the Interior, the dumdum Order of the World, the beautiful little Order, that You could truly give two Shits about.
The Real Subject of this, is somewhere in this Room, but You can’t remember where you put it.
Your Mother hammers on You. To instill some Order in your Life. To slow everything down a Notch. And your Mother says other things about Order & other important Things too, but at this Point, you’re thinking about your Hair again & how your Fingers got so crooked & why when you show someone Warmth, it appears to destroy the given Warmth & maybe You shouldn’t have eaten all that Fiber One & now can you see my Arms all gone in the Heart of hailing, perhaps here is Hell.
This is making you all the more confused. The moment someone attempts to slow you down, the moment when you begin thinking about Order, is when everything blurs immensely in your Head. When you keep it all a mess/in, that is when you’re like the smiling Jamoke.
Your Mother says “What did I just say?”
& You say “Honestly Ma, I have no fucking clue, I was thinking about other things.”
You were wondering how little one could Leave, how little could Remain, so that a “City” could still be Built.
You try & explain this to your Mother. You begin, but you realize she isn’t hearing anything either. She isn’t looking You in the Eye anymore & when the Eyes don’t center the thoughts scatter.
Your Mother looks up while you’re still talking about “
“I need to take a Shower, before the Day is gone, before I don’t have Time to get anything done.”
“Waitwait” You interrupt ,“Ma do you even know what I was just talking about?”
& with a shiteating Grin
“No, I was listening either”
& like that she is gone.
You go downstairs.
You hear the Shower water running.
It’s a beautiful day out.
You walk to the Window.
You hear the Shower water running.
You think “Let’s up The Collapse to a slo/go.”
Outside, you see the Dogs running. You hear Barking. You hear Laughter. Then, into view, comes your Mother running, with her arms outstretched, laughing with her Head swung, Back. She disappears but you can still hear her laughing. You hear the Shower water still running. You think “Now isn’t that something…”
This makes you remember the Time in 2001, when you lived off
“What the Hell are you doing? What are you looking for?”
& with a wild-eyed look You said
“My Keys, I’m looking for my god damn keys & I’m late”
& with a Laugh she said
“But Arm, your keys are in your Hand.”
& you became very still & You smile at her & slowly shake your Head. “Shit.” You turn & she is behind you. You look slowly up & out the Window & You think
“Ohfffffff…….Not
me too. Ahhhh
Shit.”—to
Order
jack
shit was
the Subject
here
