1. Kate Gosselin reportedly to go camping with Sarah Palin in Alaska
There are amazing ways to be avant-garde. To cake too shallow to cake to shallow the other shallow cake my cake my caw my mother made this cake too shallow.
2. Brangelina settle suit against U.K.’s News of the World, which claimed couple had split
Little things to remember, as they come up from time to time and it’s best to remember them so you don’t look stupid. Rosebud was a sled.
3. Inception No. 1 at box office two weeks in a row
I used to care a lot about the atomic bomb, and now I hardly ever think of it. I used to care a lot about Shelley Winters dying in The Poseidon Adventure, and now I hardly ever think of it. I used to care a lot about trucks and being hit by trucks and riding in trucks and maybe even driving a truck but now I don’t. I don’t believe in trucks anymore.
4. Police discover drugs on Bret Michaels’ tour bus
You see it is difficult to describe what other people are doing, they’re doing it so well.
5. Mad Max 4 shoot delayed after rains turn Aussie dust bowl into green pasture
They say the they that should unite. Unbearable beneath the grass. The best but the which that is without. A quiet moment, to teach the time. The hover of cover that covers us and is hard to say. Which is it. The last or the greatest best century. Our future holds mumbles in our mouths and we gag on the tongue that talks to us. So now we stop, so now we say, so now we almost cry.
6. A month after quitting acting, Amanda Bynes tweets that she’s “unretired”
I don’t even know who this woman is. She is not my mother, my sister, the countless women I work with. She never brought me a cup of coffee, or a hamburger. I have never dated her as I don’t date women, and Amanda seems to be an explicitly feminine name, so I make the assumption that she is female. And, in thinking of any response to her name, I admit her name is familiar. How many names do we know yet do not know the likeness, the what-is, the what is not imagined.
7. Luke Wilson’s porn drama Middle Men to include orgy
I used to go to orgies. They’re awkward.
8. Fox to release Family Guy’s infamous unaired abortion episode on DVD this fall
There is nothing funny about abortion. Unless you mean being asked to pay for it.
9. Lindsay Lohan placed in jail cell next to thief connected to gang that burglarized her home
The old houses we select never match our idea of home. That temporal thing, the forged steel and wrought iron. The dogwood tree in the front yard. The mailman never brings you boxes of mice like he used to. The salad girls never sing. This dump, this cipher, swelling open like arms to call you Jezebel. A sigh that seems belated.
10. Mosquito flies into mouth of Taiwanese news anchor on air, sending her to hospital
Will or will for a price.
